Last weekend passed like any other, apart from one tiny revelation.
In the last few weeks our bump has become pretty sizable and my wife now looks like a bona fide pregnant women. Two weeks ago she complained that she didn’t look pregnant at all, now she is told by work colleagues and family that she is blooming, I’ve learnt that there is a fine line between pregnant and very pregnant.
So now the bump is a constant reminder of the fruits of our labour, so to speak. Seeing your wife or partner expand before your very eyes is a fascinating process, but when that expansion starts to move and come to life, it is both exciting and disconcerting.
Before I get to last weekend’s events, let me take you back two weeks. I was minding my own business on a Saturday afternoon, watching my football team take a pummelling by our dear London rivals when my wife called me from the bath room. I thought it was probably a good time to leave my seat in front of the television before I put whatever object was to hand through the screen. As I ran upstairs expecting the worse, I heard her giggling. She was in the bath looking at her stomach. The baby was wriggling about and it’s tiny movements could be seen on the surface of her skin. Well, I guessed it was the baby, unless she had just perfected her latest body-popping move by controlling her stomach muscles.
It rippled from side to side for a few seconds to my amazement. She asked me to put my hand on her bump on the off chance that I might be able to feel it move, the theory being if I can see it, I could surely feel it. It must have known I was waiting to meet junior Carlton for the first time, because it decided to scuttle back into hiding. My wife continued to have the flutters regularly throughout her time in the bath, but every attempt I made to shake the little fellas hand and introduce myself, ‘Hello, I’m your father,’ it disappeared back into the comfort of its watery world. I obviously had some bridges to build with my little baby friend. I figured out what it was trying to do, it was laying down a marker, a sign of dominance; it was going to be on their terms or not at all. Over the next few days I reached out to bump, talked to it through my wife’s belly button, discussed current affairs and told them who had been voted off The X Factor this week, but all my efforts were rebuffed. What had I done? Did it know it was ginger already and blamed me solely for passing on the red-headed scourge?
Fast forward to last Friday evening and as per our regular timetabled Friday night festivities, we had a spot of dinner, I had a few cold beers from the fridge and we watched television to numb the mind for a few hours. My wife and I curled up on the sofa and she hugged her now considerable bump.
Since the bump has become highly visible I have been working on a theory. It is almost impossible not to touch a pregnant woman’s bump. Obviously, there are times when that is wholly inappropriate, I don’t want you all getting the wrong idea, I don’t just grab any pregnant women I see. But I am convinced that the womb is constructed with little, tiny magnets which draw the hand towards it. Without fail, the hand is attracted to the bump and you must touch it. I can’t help myself. I can be sitting on the sofa minding my own business, suddenly my hands starts to tremble, shaking uncontrollably. My arm starts to wander towards said bump. My wife squirms as it approaches and all of sudden my hand is thrust forward and has latched around the little bundle of joy.
That evening I was drawn towards the bump as normal and to my surprise my endeavour was rewarded with a swift kick to my palm. Junior was kicking its way out. My first thought was that my initial contact with my child was a kick, which made me think what was it capable of when it eventually enters this world ? I had visions of it armed with nunchuks and a samurai sword, my arse would certainly be grass. They ‘ll have the upper hand even before the umbilical cord had been cut, in fact it will probably strangle me with it.
My surprise was really down to the fact that I didn’t expect to feel anything. For over two weeks I’d been hoping for a tangible experience with junior, now we had met for the first time and it was great experience. Even this morning before I wrote this I was treated to a powerful kick to the palm and every time it happens it makes me smile, I’m sure that my wife won’t always smile as it gets bigger and her innards are being pummelled by a long-legged baby, but for now it’s a moment that we can both share with a chuckle and a smile.
I’m glad junior and I have patched up our differences, maybe the weekly X Factor update is the key to father/child bonding?
This blog will be taking a short break, but it will be back at the beginning of December.
Another enjoyable read cuz!