Whatever happened to our attention span?
Whatever happened to our ability to concentrate over an extended period of time?
Why can’t we focus on tasks like we used to?
‘My attentiveness remains unchanged’, or words to that effect, I hear you cry.
So why, when it comes to sports entertainment, are the key decision makers at the very top catering more and more for the daydreamers? The glazed-over brigade? The open-mouthed breathers?
In what seems like a never ending crusade to miniaturize, glamorize, simplify and dumb down bastions of the sporting world in the chase for the golden pot of sterling/dollar/euros/rupees (delete as applicable), I have to question where this will all end?
Will the Marathon, which some consider to the be the ultimate challenge in long-distance running, be deemed too tedious for our waning concentration?
Inside the marketing melting pot
‘I have it!’ exclaims a hipster marketeer, munching on chia seeds and gulping down a serving of coffee from a pigs bladder because some science boffin proclaims that after hundreds of years, drinking from a conventional cup interferes with the natural flavours of his favourite caffeinated beverage. ‘Lets reduce the marathon to a 10k fun run!’ The man dressed in tweed has never run before. ‘…and why not throw in a Gladiator-esque travelator at each kilometre mark…’ He takes another swig from his pigs bladder. ‘… I’m sure Sir Mo Farah would jump through perilous hoops of fire whilst being chased down by a ravenous African lion if we were to pay him a boat load of cash, don’t you?.
Well here’s one for you Mr Weird Beard Twiddler….
Why not jazz Formula one up? Why spend millions of pounds tweaking the widgets of an internal combustion engine, shaving millimetres from the wing to streamline its aerodynamics and employing a plethora of scantily clad women to parade up and down the paddock when the template for fun, automotive shenanigans already exists in the form of a £40 video game, why not turn F1 into Mario Kart?
I would pay good money to watch Sebastian Vettel fire a banana skin or a turtle shell from the back of his car directly into the path of Lewis Hamilton.
Actually, after some thought this would be an improvement on the current iteration of F1, maybe I have a touch of the hipster about me after all?
Back in my day…
What really irks me is that sports that have been a popular pastime for over a century and remained predominantly unchanged in that period are now deemed to be not conducive to the way we live our lives. Call me a traditionalist, but that is poppycock. Actually, poppycock is probably perceived to be an outdated turn of phrase, not suited to the intricacies of modern living these days, much like test cricket, so maybe I would fare better in a bygone era.
The latest sport to receive a coat of glossy razzamatazz is netball. Dubbed as the ‘World’s most exiciting form of netball’ the British Fast5 All stars is a tournament which includes 8 British superleague netball teams, all predictably known by US inspired meteorological monikers, ‘Loughborough Lightning’, ‘Surrey Storm’ and ‘Manchester Mizzle’ (actually, I made that one up, but you get the point) So what is so different about this format? What was so wrong with the traditional game that a change was needed?
Well, it is a familiar story i’m afraid? The tournament structure is described as having a ‘fast-paced format’. Yet again, time seems to be an issue as matches have been shortened from the traditional 15 minutes quarters to just 12 minutes with no intervals to complete an entire match. Unfortunately 2 regular players will miss out as the typical 7 a side netball team has been reduced to 5 a side. Maybe the 16 players unlucky not to be selected will be rounded up, given pompoms and a rara skirt and ask to provide the court side entertainment, again employing a US-style of entertainment that never quite manages to translate itself well here in the UK.
So essentially, the entire format is less ‘bang for your buck’ compared to a traditonal format. Why build the intensity, the drama and endure the twists and turns of a regular league season when we can ram it all into five hours and be home just in time for bed. We can all get on with our lives without the pesky distraction of a pastime played and watched by millions all over the globe?
I genuinely fear for the future of some of our most beloved sports. If you are a fan of traditional format sports as I am, then I urge you to attend more of the longer format events, make it difficult for the money-men to have their way and help halt the market saturation of these pale imitation, faux-sporting events.